Mr. God

It's been more than a year now, since I had a heartfelt conversation with God. We've not been in touch for so long, I often wondered if he even realised I was alive. I'm sure it must be easy for him to loose track of old friends when he's meeting new people everyday. It's strange how we think of some people often, but rarely make the effort to connect. So, after a little shift in perspective, I decided it was important for me to re-establish my relationship with God. We spoke this morning after much effort. He said, "I've loved you since before you knew me, dear friend, but how was I to know you needed me? You never reached out to me."
When we pray to God, what do you think it sounds like? Noise. It's a million different voices all speaking at the same time. I guess that's the why they have places of worship, to channel all that noise clearly. I never once went to pray, I spoke to him like I usually did, but without my face in regular attendance he missed me in all that noise. I like to think that his intervention would've changed my life and somehow I'd like to put a label on my happiness and call it FAITH. I am not a labeller but I do believe I am not alone.

The Old Cat Lady Sittin' In Her Underpants, Tra La La, La La...

I spent a wonderful day with myself. It was really lovely, just me myself and Adrian Grenier (Yes, I have now seen all episodes of entourage and waiting to see more). However, in retrospect I have to admit I'd rather have had a lil less tea and a bit more company. Well, it’s not that I’m such a terrible bore to hang with, quite the contrary actually, I find I am capable of amusing myself endlessly. My mind like a ping pong table is constantly throwing words and ideas back and forth, each serve reciprocated with a ralley of the choicest words, the wittiest comebacks and all in 3D psychedelia!
It’s just that, I am amusing and entertaining only with a sounding board! Alone I am like a pumpkin sitting in my underwear all day and perfectly happy like that. And that scares me. It scares me that alone I will die, like a vegetable that no one wants to dissect on their chopping boards, a rotten pumpkin. I once took a facebook test on my worst fear and the result was, “You are scared of being alone!” Well, at that time I thought it was really stupid, really. I understand now clearly what that meant. You see, I thought it was stupid because I know for a fact that wherever you leave me, in this world or another, I will definitely get by and high because I will never be alone, I will always know how to talk my walk and get my life going. But if I didn’t have that luxury of associating with all those wonderful (and some not so wonderful) people, I'd probably end up like a pumpkin or worse, like that old lady with all those cats who’s name no one remembers!

Such A Beautiful Lie~~

alone with everybody - charles bukowski

the flesh covers the bone
and they put a mind
in there and
sometimes a soul,
and the women break
vases against the walls
and the men drink too
much
and nobody finds the
one
but keep
looking
crawling in and out
of beds.
flesh covers
the bone and the
flesh searches
for more than
flesh.

there's no chance
at all:
we are all trapped
by a singular
fate.

nobody ever finds
the one.

the city dumps fill
the junkyards fill
the madhouses fill
the hospitals fill
the graveyards fill

nothing else
fills.

An Epic Battle - The First Of Many!

So.. I've been working really hard to catch a paycheck sometime in the near future. To hold that magical piece of paper in my hand will give me almost as much happiness as dropping a "big" five ruppee coin into the piggy bank did at one point of time in my deluded childhood! I say deluded not in a negative sense, of course I could use words like delirious or hyper-imaginative which would be more accurate adjectives, but in retrospect I firmly believe the happiness in your childhood is directly propotional to your delusion! I, I was as happy as those lil yellow butterflies we would chase around (sorry?)and as deluded as a cookie!(Yes, cookies are highly deluded, explain why they sit pretty and smell nice just to crumble down your throat?)

Anyway, I had an interesting interview lined up the other morning, but the journey there turned out to be far more interesting than the interview itself!! The journey from point A to point B involved three modes of public transport - Autorickshaw, local train and taxi! You might think that taking a direct cab would make life easy but thats a whole different ball game!
The interview was scheduled for 11am, which is a decent hour but for the suburban population! One has to wake up before the sun, shower before the taps run dry and then get ready for the marathon till town! Breakfast anyone?

TEA: So I catch a rick, breathe, traffic jam 1, smoke a cig, sigh, traffic jam 2, smoke a cig, sweat, swear, traffic jam 3, contemplate lighting another cig, give the beggar a few coins (yes, coins, collecting good karma!)and finally reach the station!
TOAST: Now I've already spent 45 mins getting to the station and I dont want to be late for the interview which is still oh so far away, standing in the que to buy a tickect is certainly gonna set me back, so i contemplate NOT buying a ticket and just hoppin on, but the conscience (which is really a double faced fellow!)starts off about how that measley 6 bucks could boomerang into bad karma and kill any chance I might have at cracking the interview! So I stand in the que, buy the damn ticket and head to the platform where throngs of people wait to lunge into the already bursting compartments. I wait, train 1 arrives, the masses pile in, pile out, pull, push, squeeze, squash, train leaves. I am still standing right there, numb. Ok so precious time is wasting, I decide to stand closer to the edge so i can hop in before i get manhandled! Train 2 arrives, repeat previous scene with slightly more drama (its possible)women are half in half out, hanging on to dear life, train leaves with this poor lady's handbag and dupatta but unfortunately not her, running besides the train she yanks her dupatta while someone throws her bag out! Wow.. I am standing a good distance away from the ruccus.. with my mouth wide open! Ok this is so not amusing, I need to be on my way. I summon my courage and think of what the great Bruce Lee said, “The less effort, the faster and more powerful you will be.”(!) I calmly zip up my bag, make sure my phone is safely inside, crack my knuckles and get ready, standing at the very edge of the platform I wait for train 3, if all goes well the wave of commuters will push me right in and without much effort I will end up exactly where I ougt to be! Train 3 arrives, and yes I am shoved right in, Bingo! Inside i am elbowed, kneed and kicked (its ok, happens all the time! yuks!). My handbag however is not quite as lucky, it is easily occupying atleast 2 persons space and this is not well received by the janta. Let me tell you its not a fucking trolley, its just a normal sized handbag! To avoid further molestation of my leather tote, I put it down between my feet and stand my ground firmly. I am in the moving train and that's all that matters! Mission accomplished.
PIECE OF CAKE: My station arrives and I get out feeling exhilerated!! Hahahahhh' Yep, you heard it right, not destroyed but pumping with adrenaline, smug and victorious! I made it! I proceed to exit, catch a cab and feel like I've just won an epic battle and am on way to claim my throne!=)

And so exactly 2 hours after leaving home I arrive at my destination bang on time!! As I am sitting in the reception and waiting to be called, I have just one small worry, if I do land the job (which God willing I will), I will have to do this each and every workday till I get paid enough to buy a car and hire a chauffer, which might possibly be never!! Well, lets just hope the amusement remains long after the novelty wears off!

What do you do, when someone you are extremely 'unfond' of is extremely fond of you?!!

How on earth can someone you dislike so instinctively be so goddamn thick as to not realize it? The whole 'love people despite your themselves' philosophy is so full of bullshit, because honestly I think prejudice makes an awesome benchmark. You are never ever going to know what it is you really want unless you know what it is exactly that you don't want! Know what you don't want and swear by it till the end of the earth, because god forbid should you love everythin else about that person and accept them into your life, however whole heartedly, that one tiny detail will be the only thing that remains after all that love is gone! That one constantly nagging remainder that will annoy the fuck out of you by sayin, 'I told you so!'

I mean am I not validated when I say I hate men who would open a woman's purse or her wardrobe without her permission? I would instinctively and instantly dismass any such man from my good books. I can't tolerate clean shaven chests that give my legs a complex and I can't tolerate men who peep into womens closets! There you go, two so called prejudices that could prove fatal to a companionship that never was. Hallelujah!

It has happened to you, I'm sure. Often one is forced to be nice to someone purely because the same person you don't like has done something really nice for or to you. An obligation(I'd rather a prejudice over an obligation anyday). Similarly when someone you dislike is so fond of you, you have to grin and bear it! It is another matter altogether that the very mannerisms used by the person to show fondness is the very thing I so despise!! Time and distance I await thee arrival! Till then, I rant! =)

Everybody Is, But Everybody Is Neither I Nor You.

Everyone has a talent, an innate charecteristic, a personal gift. Well, I don't. I have asked myself time and time again, what is that one thing that you can do better than all the things that you do??
And then I get lost in thoughts of all the things I could be amazing at.. 'Could' being the key word, I can't say I am good at anything except going off in tangents! Of all the things I've dipped my beak into, writting is the one thing I feel I'm most connected to.. not because I have written any great truths or that the ink flows rapidly from my mind.. strangely it has more to do with my love to read, but have you ever heard of anyone citing 'reading' as thier talent?? Not likely. So writing it is, that's what I'm meant to do. Read, translate, write! Perfect ain't it? Original thinking is just too cliche.. How original is original anyways? Do you honestly beleive that any of your thoughts are unprecedented? I think.. No, I know for a fact that every single thought that crosses my mind has most definitly crossed your mind or his or hers before, and probably with a more entertaining if not enlightening set of tangents. Therefore in all honesty I can tell you that none of my pennings here will be original, however, the way I see it is unique only to me and the way you perceive it is unique only to you! That being said, I hope the incessant chattering of the monkeys in my mind provoke a little repartee in that wonderful mind of yours. For what are words if just said and not affected, they are but the random musings of an otherwise vacant mind.